Eat an old sour grapefruit

2005-06-09 - 7:26 p.m.

I promised myself that today I would write an entry here no matter what. I've been pretty good about keeping my promises to myself recently, so here goes. You know how sometimes when you don't call a friend back right away and then a little time goes by and you still don't call them back and then a little more time goes by and pretty soon you feel like it would just be awkward to call them? Yeah, that's how I'm feeling about this journal at the moment. But really I have a lot to say, I just don't feel like saying it. That's fairly typical for me in real life, but not here, not generally.

So what've I been up to? Do you care? Last weekend I went to Disneyland. Wait, no, that wasn't last weekend. That was the weekend before. I've totally lost track of time. I traded a shift with Banana so that I'd be able to have a four day weekend. I flew down to Sacramento on Friday. My mom picked me up from the airport and we went out to lunch at Chipotle, just like old times. Then we picked up my dad from work and drove down to Anaheim. We spent Saturday and Sunday in Disneyland and it was good. I got along very well with my parents and I was in a good mood almost the whole time. On Monday we drove up to Sacramento where I spent the night in my old bed and then Tuesday morning my dad dropped me off at the airport on his way to work and I flew back to Seattle.

Unfortunately, my flight was delayed and I ended up being two hours late for work. I called plenty early to let them know my situation and O'Malley was lead and I don't think he even mentioned to management that I was late. And then Miko was lead on the evening shift so he let me stay two hours extra to make up the time I missed so my paycheck won't even feel the impact.

But for some reason, after coming back from Disneyland I was feeling very depressed. I can't really come up with a reason why. Maybe it was having been home again I missed it? I don't really think so. I mean, honestly, other than my own home and yard and my parents, there's was nothing about Sacramento I missed. I had to work hard to keep the words "shit hole" out of my head as I looked around the place. I do love Seattle. I think maybe I was just tired. I think that being tired makes me depressed and I had to pull some pretty crazy scheduling to work the shifts I had traded into to get my four day Disneyland weekend. Including working straight through the weekend.

And then there was this guy. Yeah, I was actually kind of getting my hopes up about him. I know, I didn't mention him at all here, but he was there. I had a date set up with him for last Monday. I was actually feeling so depressed I was seriously considering canceling it, but decided I'd regret doing that, so instead I managed to pull myself out of the funk I was in. And then he tells me he hasn't been in much of a mood for dating recently and can we just be friends? I was, of course, disappointed because we all know that when someone says they aren't in the mood for dating they really mean they aren't in the mood for dating you, but I decided having another friend couldn't hurt so I agreed to that. Turns out I'm a dumbass. He didn't even really want to be friends. So much for that.

Instead I jogged over to the Ballard Locks. I've fallen in love with them. Again. I remember the very first time I came to Seattle we went to see the locks. I was a freshman in high school, I think. The summer after being a freshman, anyway. I fell in love with the locks then. I remember telling my friend laughingly that I'd decided I wanted to be a lock operator when I grew up. For some reason this is the first time I've been back to see them since then. Well, this time I fell in love with them because they have big grassy hills perfect for reading books and looking down over the canal. So lovely.

This weekend I'm running in a half-marathon with Kitten. For some reason I don't feel as prepared for it as I felt for the Vancouver Marathon which I wasn't prepared for at all. I'd like to finish in less than 2 hours, but that's really unlikely to happen. I'm just hoping to finish in less time than I finished last time.

And lastly, I'm back on a weight loss kick. I know, again. But I think it's actually happening this time. Over the last two weeks I lost 2.6 pounds and I think I'm going to have lost weight this week too (my weigh in day is tomorrow). I'm happy about this. I once said that I wished my fridge would dispense only the appropriate amount of calories and then quit working. Well, so I sort of worked on that. I know it's really pathetic, but I've sort of stopped buying real food. Oh I have some around, but not much because it seems I get in these moods where I end up eating everything I lay my eyes on whether I'm hungry or not. So I've stopped buying it and instead I've stocked up on frozen dinners. Yup. So there.