The only thing that's right

2005-01-18 - 4:03 p.m.

I'm in kind of a funk at the moment, but I don't know why. I think it has to do with the dream I had last night. It was bad, sort of along the lines of "The Virgin Suicides" (the book, I haven't seen the movie). There were teenage girls killing themselves by chopping their arms off (I still can't figure out how she managed to chop the second one off), witches and zombies, rich families who didn't seem to notice, and of course me running around trying to save lives without anybody really wanting me to. And in the end being quite unsuccessful. The funny part, though, was that at the end of the dream there were credits. I didn't read them because I didn't care, it wasn't a dream I'd want to have again, but the credits actually rolled by before I woke up. I swear I'm nuts.

Today was significant in that I had a date with a new boy. We went out to lunch at a restaurant I'd never been to before called Chinese Wok. The food was good. And the company was good too. He's tall and good-looking and intelligent. He insisted on paying for lunch even though I offered to split the check. He has a real job and he was really nice although a bit awkward. Really, the only undesirable thing about him is that he's a vegetarian. He says it's for "health reasons" though and he's not a fanatic about it, if he's in a situation where it would be difficult to avoid meat then he'll eat it. We both agreed that we had a good time and he said that he thought I was nice and he's "not just saying that." So we may get together again sometime.

I should be really happy about this. But instead I feel guilty. Why should I feel guilty? Because of Duke. But Duke and I still haven't moved beyond "just friends" as far as I can tell, so why should I be feeling guilty about it? I don't know. So far this new boy seems like a much better match for me than Duke is. He's definitely smarter. He's taller, he's cuter, he has a much more secure job, he's more athletic. But I still feel guilty.

And tonight I'm going out with Duke. He invited me to dinner with him, but I turned him down on that one (my guilty conscience). We're going to a volleyball open gym together tonight. This'll be my first time playing ball since hurting my ankle. I hope my foot's up for it. It's getting better and better every day, but it's still not back to normal. I'll try to take it pretty easy tonight. I don't know what the crowd will be like at this open gym. I hope there'll be a decent level of play.

Anyway, I've been working a lot of evening shifts at work recently. I worked through the weekend and had today off. Evening shifts just don't fit in with my brain's schedule. I'm a morning person. I won't work mornings again until mid-February. Ah well, other than a less than desirable schedule, everything really is going well here.