Behind the wall

2006-01-27 - 7:54 p.m.

I wasn't going to write an entry today, but suddenly I've decided to. I don't know. Today I worked in the CCU. It was my first day working there since they trained me there back in November. What's the deal with letting two months go by between training and working? I don't know. It sucked. I mean, I suck. I kept having to remind myself that I'm really not stupid, I just happen to suck is all. Yeah, I don't know.

Lolo is training on MS3 now. He started yesterday. We were supposed to go out on the town with Butiki tonight, but apparently Lolo had a frustrating day today too. I was supposed to be off at 3:30, but at 3:15 there was a code in the cath lab that lasted until 4. When I found Lolo afterwards, he was still working. He asked me if I would mind if he just went home and studied instead of going out with me tonight because he felt like he'd made such a fool of himself today. He looked like he was about to cry. I should have said or done something, but I didn't. Partly because we were at work, but also because that's the way I am. I felt exactly how he looked (the main difference being I felt that way after working what is generally accepted to be the most challenging shift while he felt that way after working the easiest shift--which probably means he felt worse) but on top of that I was now feeling rejected by my boyfriend. Why not come over anyway? I would've loved to have held him and tried to comfort him. Probably a boy thing and a pride thing. Why didn't I try to argue him out of it? Why didn't I try to convince him we could have a stay-at-home evening instead or he could just come over for a little bit and then go home and study if he still wanted to? But no, the moment he said this to me my self-preservation smiling wall snapped up into place. I'm suddenly unable to project any emotion but happiness. Sure, yeah, I'd be perfectly happy for you to go home and leave me all by myself. Yup, that doesn't bother me at all. Have a good evening!

I came home, ate way too much, took a nap, finished reading the awful book I was reading and now here I am. I was tagged by Foursquare to do this survey. Apparently it's been going around lately. I hadn't really noticed.

4 Jobs you have had in your life, in chronological order:

1. My first job was a work study job in college. I was assistant to the secretary to the Dean of the Conservatory of Music, a job that was secured for me by Flik. Basically I made copies, typed a lot, filed, ran errands, and did whatever else needed to be done. I stuck with that job for like two and half years--even after I started pharmacy school.

2. My second job was as a pharmacy intern at a small independent community pharmacy in Stockton called Alpine Drug. This job was secured for me by DeenPo. I didn't work there very long because it was bought out by a major chain pharmacy a few months after I started. I was little more than a glorified cashier. And not very glorified.

3. My third job was as a pharmacy intern in an inpatient pharmacy in a Kaiser hospital in Sacramento. I made IV's and TPN's, pulled meds, delivered meds, and kept all the nursing stations stocked with pharmacy goods. I worked there until I graduated from pharmacy school.

4. My fourth job was as general practice pharmacy resident at a major medical center in Sacramento. Can't say I enjoyed this one so much. Overworked, underpayed, tortured...

4 Movies you could watch over and over
1. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
2. The Sound of Music
3. Pretty Woman
4. Love Actually

4 Places you have lived
1. Novato, CA
2. Orangevale, CA
3. Stockton, CA
4. Seattle, WA

4 TV Shows you love to watch
Um, I don't watch TV...at all...

4 Places you have been on Vacation
1. Tokyo
2. Kona
3. Pensacola
4. Montauk

4 Websites you visit (nearly) daily
1. Gmail
2. BookCrossing
3. Stubby Fingers
4. Flickr

4 of your favorite foods
1. Cheese
2. Curry
3. M&M's
4. Latt�s

4 Places you would rather be right now
1. My bed (or Lolo's bed...whichever one he's in)
2. On a couch wrapped up in a blanket with Lolo
3. In the passenger seat of Lolo's car, holding his hand, on our way to anywhere
4. Anywhere sunny, warm, and peaceful

4 Bloggers you are tagging
1. HeavenlyGinger
2. Argolam
3. RoadiePig
4. EssayWriter