A look in the mirror

2006-01-26 - 2:26 p.m.

It occurs to me that Lolo doesn't have the slightest inkling of what I've been through over the past few weeks for him. For us. He doesn't know about how nauseated I was last week. He doesn't know about me throwing up at work that day. He doesn't know about me crying at the least provocation. I don't think he knows how it hurt the first time we had sex. He doesn't know about this damn UTI. And then I think it would be awfully self-centered of me to assume that I'm the only one doing any suffering or making any sacrifices for us. He doesn't know about me--what don't I know about him? What am I missing?

Sometimes I turn into a complete slob. I laze around in my messy apartment, unshowered, wearing sweats and eating too much. I'm thankful, on these days, that Lolo can't see me while I'm doing it. What would he think if he knew what I do? Would he be totally repulsed? And then I think, what makes me think I'm so special? If I act this way, what makes me think other people don't? Does Lolo have days like this? What would I think of Lolo if I saw him doing what I do?