25-hour day

2002-10-26 - 5:18 p.m.

Ok, I don't have too much time for an entry at the moment. I know there is something I should really address in here tonight, but I don't have my thoughts well enough organized to effectively do so right now. Instead, I'd like to point out the ground rules for anybody who might still be interested.

Oops, I knew this would be short, but I didn't know it would be this short. Gotta go. See ya! :)

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Sometimes life rocks. Sometimes life sucks. And sometimes neither statement particularly applies.

I originally posted the above thinking that it would be a reminder to someone else. However, after posting it, although I was not available to type, I did have time to ponder, and I decided that I was more in need of a reminder than anyone else. Ground rule #2: openness, honesty, and communication are good things. Yes, I know this. And while I don't think honesty is a problem, communication definitely can be for me and being open isn't something I always remember to do either. Sometimes I need a little prodding. But you know, it's easier to be open and honest with someone when you think there is a good chance that that someone will understand what you're talking about, or at least be willing to try.

So you want the truth? The truth is I'm scared. I think I've said that before. And I know it's probably silly, but there it is. I think I've got something pretty good going on. I mean, it's seriously far from perfect, but the fact that it has such potential makes it really good. But the main screwball factor in this is me. I've always been told the best way to get a guy is to play hard to get and to be super-confident in yourself. I don't believe in playing hard to get. In all honesty, I've never had to play at that. And the only time I wasn't hard to get, I got got, eventually. But the other part, the part about being confident, I think that one is true. I mean, I don't want some wishy-washy guy who thinks he's not worth anything, so why would any guy want a girl who thinks she's not worth anything? But there's my problem. See, self-confidence is not one of my strong points. I don't think I'm completely worthless, I do have my strong points, but I'm really not sure I'm worthwhile either. So the way things are right now, there's someone out there who I think is worthwhile and at the same time, much more amazingly, he thinks I'm worthwhile too. That's the way things are right now. And I like that. Even if I feel guilty about having someone so fooled. It still feels good. But how long can I keep someone fooled if I move things along? Of course I know things won't stay like this forever. In fact I don't want them to stay like this forever. It would be horrible if things stayed like this forever. But I've never been a fan of phones. Phones are useful for business transactions, but as far as I'm concerned, they don't do much for me socially. Some people don't mind talking to me on the phone, but most prefer not to. I suck at phones. I'd rather skip straight to face to face. Of course face to face is dangerous too, as far as that goes, but that's a necessary danger. If things don't work out face to face, then that's that, it's not going to work out, the end. But at least face to face involves facial expressions and body language.

So that's it. I'm scared I'm going to screw things up. But actually, it's a fairly well founded fear because screwing things up is one of my specialties.

And as far as the first paragraph in this entry goes, the part about reminding someone about ground rule #1: please try to keep your expectations to a minimum. I know you can't have no expectations, that's impossible. But do you know what I like? I like the fact that you don't compliment me very often. Does that sound silly? It's true though. I'm just a girl. After you meet me, that can change, but until then, that's all I can claim to be.