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2002-11-24 - 8:18 p.m.
Do you remember that personality test I took a few months ago? Well, for some reason I got inspired to take it again. I think it was Somnambulist's fault, but that's not the point. While generally I am the same person, there have been a few changes. I thought maybe I'd do a quick comparison here. The first number is how I rated on September 7, 2002, the second number is how I rated this morning, the third number is the variation.
Extraversion: .................28 04 -24
Friendliness...................08 01 -07
Gregariousness.................43 02 -41
Assertiveness..................14 01 -13
Activity Level.................55 21 -34
Excitement-Seeking.............56 69 +10
Cheerfulness...................40 40 00
Agreeableness: ................48 52 +04
Trust..........................33 42 +09
Morality.......................46 40 -06
Altruism.......................24 19 -05
Cooperation....................85 77 -08
Modesty........................79 84 +05
Sympathy.......................17 37 +20
Conscientiousness: ............47 20 -27
Self-Efficacy..................63 50 -13
Orderliness....................21 09 -12
Dutifulness....................46 66 +20
Achievement-Striving...........36 30 -06
Self-Discipline................47 19 -28
Cautiousness...................80 17 -63
Neuroticism: ..................28 50 +22
Anxiety........................01 25 +24
Anger..........................17 11 -06
Depression.....................88 93 +05
Self-consciousness.............93 97 +04
Immoderation...................10 49 +39
Vulnerability..................05 14 +09
Openness to Experience: .......60 69 +09
Imagination....................83 86 +03
Artistic Interests.............66 60 -06
Emotionality...................16 30 +14
Adventurousness................55 66 +11
Intellect......................87 93 +06
Liberalism.....................25 25 00
Of all these things, there are very few changes that I'm liking. Yuck, look at me, I totally suck. The biggest change is that I appear to have thrown caution to the wind. I dropped by 63 points in the cautiousness department. At first I would totally disagree with this. I'm a cautious person! I don't usually say the first thing that comes into my head. And I don't generally do things without thinking about the consequences. However, recently I've been doing things consequences be damned, so maybe that counts as a lack of cautiousness. My next biggest change was in gregariousness. Apparently I used to find the company of others pleasantly stimulating and now my need for privacy has me actively avoiding large crowds. I guess I'd agree with this. Although I don't really think I "actively" avoid large crowds, I certainly don't feel the need to be a part of one either. My immoderation has also increased significantly. I used to not give into my cravings, but my resistance appears to be waning. Perhaps this goes along with throwing caution to the wind. My activity level is decreasing, I now live life at a much more leisurely and relaxed pace. To this I'd like to say, you're kidding, right? If my activity level is decreasing it's because I'm so busy all the time I have no energy left. I may be a bit less energetic, but I don't consider myself less active. I lost 28 points in the self-discipline category. Yes, yes, and I am also immoderate and lack cautiousness. My anxiety level has risen quite a bit. But that could be because I'm not being so cautious, right? Other relatively large changes were in sympathy and dutifulness, both of which increased. I might credit those changes to working in pediatrics.
I just found out that my second grade teacher died. Mrs. Harling. She died at the age of 56 from breast cancer. I was trying to think back and dredge up memories of her, but not too many came to mind. I can dredge up some fairly random second grade memories, but not too many involve her. The first one that came to mind was actually when I was in first grade. When I was in first grade they pulled me out of class one day and made me take some tests. I remember being asked, "Did you know how to read before kindergarten?" And I answered "no" ashamedly. At that point I was convinced I was retarded. "Great," I thought, "I always knew I was retarded, and now I'm going to have to go join the retard class." But instead they bumped me up into a second grade reading class, where Mrs. Harling was my teacher. The only real memory I have of that reading class, besides being amazed at how old second graders are, was of being asked to spell the word "jet" out loud. Of course it was an easy word and I knew how to spell it, but for some reason the connection between my brain and my mouth was a little loose and I said g-e-t. G, j, they sound the same. Mrs. Harling asked me several times, "Are you sure?" before it finally struck me that the wrong sound was coming out of my mouth. I also remember my eighth birthday in that class. I thought it was really cool. I turned eight on the eighth in second grade. I remember having class meetings every week. The only item I ever put on the agenda was being mad at Brian Roth because he made fun of me because I misspelled "shoe" on a test. But also at class meetings we had ball assignments. I was into four square at the time and there was one ball that was much better than the others. We weren't allowed to have the same ball two weeks in a row, so me and Ruby figured out that we could switch off every week. Whoever was in charge of the ball one week got to pick who would be in charge of the ball the next week, so we just handed it back and forth every week. Mrs. Harling wasn't too into playground politics so she didn't notice, at least not that we could tell, but Brandy Ferrier noticed and that little terd told on us so Mrs. Harling made us stop. We did a group project once in which Mrs. Harling gave each group a mask and we had to write as many sentences about the mask as we could. I was the "recorder" for our group and we came up with easily twice as many sentences as any other group. Each of our sentences started out with the words, "Our mask," only through a brain fart similar to the jet one mentioned above I wrote every single sentence as "Are mask." And I always had trouble remembering Mrs. Harling's name. There was a sixth grade teacher at the time who's name was Mrs. Herning and I could never remember if my teacher's name was Mrs. Harling or Mrs. Herning. At lunch recess there was this thing where if you picked up a piece of trash and showed it to the yard duty then you would get a ticket to put into a drawing to win a popsicle on Friday. So every day we would bring out a piece of trash from lunch, rip it into several pieces so that we could each get a ticket, and then show it to the yard duty. She would ask for our names and our teacher's name to put on the ticket. More often than not I would say I was in Mrs. Herning's class, but given the fact I was eight, Mrs. Blakemore, the yard duty, could figure out I was a confused child and obviously not in the sixth grade. But the first memory that actually came to mind when I thought of Mrs. Harling was being punished as a class for being too noisy by having to spend the first ten minutes of lunch in the classroom at our desks with our heads down. I was upset because of course I had not been misbehaving. Well Mrs. Harling, I've got your name down now. Thanks for the year. Rest well.
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