The cowardly die a thousand times...

2003-01-21 - 2:37 p.m.

Thumbtack is resigning. I knew that he was struggling, but I didn't realize the gravity of the situation. I wish he had come to me, or any of the other residents, with his problems. We could've helped. We could've at least been moral support. And the thing is, he just got done being chief and doing grueling inpatient rotations while now he is no longer chief and he is going off to county where things are much less stressful. Not only that, but I've always taken him for an ambulatory care kind of guy. I think he would've liked county. I wish he had come to us for advice at least. Instead he pretended that there was nothing wrong. He sprung the news on us at lunch today. "Guys, I'm resigning." There was a loud clunk as three jaws simultaneously hit the cafeteria table. Slick, "Why?" Me, "What are you going to do instead?" Fluffy, "Sorry to hear that." This is really too bad. It will reflect very poorly on him for a very long time. Backing out of a residency is almost taboo. I wonder if he told us the whole story. And on a selfish note, now the work is divided three ways instead of four. Shit.

I chatted with Doodle a bit last night. I wanted to get her advice on my crazy independent pharmacy idea. It's the first time I've asked for advice about it and she knows me and pharmacy. Her initial reaction was that she thought working in an independent would be cool as long as they will stay in business. But she's a community girl. Then I think she pictured me there and changed her mind. Mostly she brought up points that I mentioned yesterday. The main one being that come June I will be fresh out of a residency and there will never be a better time in my life to get a critical care job. Once I take the community route, turning back will be very difficult. But switching from hospital to community is relatively easy. She says I've always wanted critical care, I shouldn't turn my back on it now. Maybe I'm being just like Thumbtack. Instead of quitting now, though, I'm waiting until June. But I don't want just any community job or any independent, I want this one. And this opening most likely won't wait around forever. She also asked if I could stand living in a small town two hours away from the nearest city with so few opportunities in it. I think I could. I don't think I'd be bored. First of all there's such a thing as the internet which, when combined with a credit card, can supply me with all the books, CDs, and DVDs I could possibly want for entertainment. Secondly, how could anyone be bored with so many mountains, lakes, rivers, and valleys around? I honestly don't know what sort of opportunities they have. They probably don't have a volleyball open gym. But who knows, they might. And they have a community college even (it is the county seat of Plumas County, after all), so I could take classes or something there. I don't know. I don't think I'd be bored. The biggest problem is finding a man. But that's a problem anywhere. I can't worry about that.