Living inside a cow

2003-02-26 - 11:22 a.m.

I should've known when I started crying on the way to work the day before yesterday for absolutely no reason that Aunt Flo was on her way. I've been fighting off tears since then. I haven't felt like doing anything but curling up into a ball for the last two days. And as Somnambulist said, "my writing only happens when the words want to come out." I think he was referring more to creative writing such as this poem, which I thought was great, but for me that statement is true for all my writing. And all my talking for that matter.

And yesterday was one of those days that just wouldn't leave me alone. Non-stop battery.

First thing in the morning was ID journal club. For some reason the schedule was screwed up so three different people all thought they were supposed to be presenting two articles. They all came prepared and they all presented, making journal club go extra long. Most of the articles were fairly interesting, so in that respect it wasn't bad. Afterwards I asked Scotch what the plan was. She had been off last Thursday and Friday, I worked ops Saturday, had Sunday off, and clinic Monday. She wanted to go over patients. Right then. I balked, "I haven't rounded with the team in three days," I reminded her. She said, "Ok, is an hour enough time for you to catch up?" I said it was and spent the next hour running around like a mad woman trying to catch up. Meeting with her went fine. I was able to BS my way through the discussion well enough and we had to cut it short because I had a lunch meeting with the hospital director. He was supposed to be having lunch with the Mole, Fluffy, Slick, Daisy, and I. He cancelled about five minutes prior to the meeting. The rest of us decided to go anyway. We ended up going to the Cafe Morocco on Folsom and Alhambra. It was ok. I had a chicken falafel sandwich and some sort of soup of which I can't remember the name. It was all edible stuff, but I wouldn't put it too near the top of my list. When we got back I went straight to rounds. The resident is the same from last week but we have a new attending, fellow, and med students. Both med students are really nice, the fellow I'm neutral about, and the attending is full of himself but very knowledgable and willing to teach. Rounds took forever. We didn't finish until 6:30. Keep in mind the whole time we were rounding my uterus had grabbed ahold of my spine and was doing calisthenics. And I was hungry. As my blood sugar plummetted and my body ached from navel to mid-thigh, I became grouchier and grouchier. By the time I made it home to eat a cold dinner I was in such a bad mood that in order to avoid hurting someone I decided to just go to bed.

Then I was awakened by today. Not grouchy anymore. Back to tearful. Today is Flik's birthday. The birthday present I bought her is still sitting in my room. It still needs to be mailed. That and the book I'm supposed to send to someone from Swappingtons. I was going to mail it yesterday on my way home from work, but of course by the time I got off, everything was closed. I already met with Scotch this morning to discuss endocarditis. Now I'm just waiting for one of the med students to page me when rounds start. I hope they start soon so I can get out of here at a decent hour.

Actually, I've decided that today I won't stick with rounds past 4:30. I'll tell them I have a meeting to go to or something. Why? Because today is volleyball playoffs! I wish I was excited. I hope I get into a better mood before game time. But anyway, the game starts at six so I figure if I leave rounds by 4:30 that should give me enough time to change, mail that book, and still get to the game on time.

Reading this entry may have been boring hell for you, but for me, writing this has been rather therapeutic. I'm feeling a bit better. At least I don't feel like crying right now.