Help pour down the rain

2003-08-21 - 10:12 p.m.

Last night was a strange night for me. I guess I'm suffering from jet lag. I didn't start to feel tired until 4am and then I didn't wake up until 3pm when my mom slammed the front door. When I did finally wake up, I didn't know where I was. That in itself is not unusual for me, but it's never happened to me while I'm at home. And it poured down rain here today, in August.

I also had a very strange dream last night. It starred Stretch. I don't remember where we were but we were together and he was still dating his current girlfriend. But he was unhappy with his situation and considering coming back to me. At first I stayed very noncomittal about it because I wanted it to be his decision. We talked for quite a while and then he started kissing me. With lots of tongue. Too much tongue, I was having trouble breathing. But I didn't complain because I didn't want to do anything that would push him away. Then we talked some more about what we should do and he basically told me he wanted to break up with his girlfriend and be with me again. That's when I realized I wasn't sure if I really wanted to be with him again. As if I only want what I can't have and the moment I'm able to have it, I don't want it anymore. But I didn't tell him about this. He asked me if I would be willing to take a job in Sacramento so that we can be together. I didn't understand why he wanted me to do that. He lives in Portland. And I really didn't want to live in Sacramento anymore. I started to ask but then he began kissing me again and pulled me down to the ground for more sexual stuff. Afterwards, I was laying beside him wondering what I wanted. Did I really want to do this? Did I really want him back?