I miss you a little

2003-09-07 - 4:27 p.m.

I've recently decided that Hugh Jackman may be the best-looking guy I've had the opportunity to lay eyes on. It almost feels blasphemous for me to say such a thing, I've been obsessed with Mel Gibson for so long. But the fact remains that poor Mel is getting up there in years and Hugh, when he's not looking too effeminate, melts me. I had this thought once, where I imagined being married to Hugh Jackman. He'd come home every day and say "Honey, I'm home!" I'd see him come through the front door and faint dead away, he's so good-looking. I'd have to start wearing a helmet or something. But wait, I did have a point to this discussion. My point is that both Hugh and Mel are married. I don't see how a little good-natured salivating from afar hurts anybody, but even if either of them was somehow within my reach (work with me here), I still wouldn't do anything. They're taken. I wouldn't do anything to get in the way of that. In fact, if they suddenly showed an interest in me, I still wouldn't do anything. I wouldn't want a guy who would cheat on his wife. So my point here is that even though I may talk about Stretch a lot here in my personal journal, and even though I often have trouble keeping him out of my mind, I still have no plans to do anything about it. He's not married, but he's taken. I'm not going to mess that up. In real life I haven't told anybody about my regrets about how things between the two of us ended up. If someone asks, I tell them he has a new girlfriend and he's really happy with her and everything's good. In fact, I tell myself that all the time, too. Everything's good. It's fine. It will be, at any rate. I just don't always seem to be able to convince myself. When I was in Redding yesterday, of course I was reminded of Stretch. I told myself that I wasn't going to think about him. No, I was going to concentrate on having a good time. Every time he crossed my mind I would cut the thought short. The result of that? I don't think I completed many thoughts yesterday.