Inside the room of my mind

2004-07-11 - 9:30 p.m.

Today I finished reading The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. That was a really, really good book. But there's one part shortly after Henry, the time traveler, marries Clare, when they are getting used to each other. Henry is talking about Clare and what he says about her reminds me of me. He says:

The hardest lesson is Clare's solitude. Sometimes I come home and Clare seems kind of irritated; I've interrupted some train of thought, broken into the dreamy silence of her day. Sometimes I see an expression on Clare's face that is like a closed door. She has gone inside the room of her mind and is sitting there knitting or something. I've discovered that Clare likes to be alone.

And he's cool about it! Henry can totally deal with this about Clare. I wonder if I will ever find a guy who will understand that about me.

Last night my brother went to his 10-year high school reunion. He and his wife got back at around 11:30pm. I was in bed, but not asleep yet. The door to my bedroom is very loud. It can't be opened or closed without everyone in the house knowing about it. Since I've been getting up before everyone else to go jogging, I've been leaving the door open so I won't wake everyone up by opening it in the morning. So last night I was laying there in the dark but not asleep when my brother and his wife came home. They went to bed right away, but weren't too interested in sleep, if you know what I mean. My house is really small. I could hear everything. I didn't know what to do--lie there and pretend to be asleep while they did their thing or get up and shut my door letting them know that I could hear them? It wasn't cool.

Then this morning I got up and went for a jog. Except three miles into my five-mile jog I suddenly needed a restroom. This was also incredibly uncool and the rest of the jog was uncomfortable to say the least.

So these two things pretty much set the mood for the day. I started out grouchy and then I took things that happened to heart instead of just shaking them off as I normally would. My dad spent all morning regaling us with stories of my brother's genius. No mention of his daughter the lump. This isn't my brother's fault, of course, but I wonder if my brother ever realizes how listening to my dad makes me feel. I wonder if anybody realizes. It seems like it should be pretty obvious. Ugh, oh well.

The other issue is the fact that my parents are wanting to plan more hiking and camping trips. But I'm wanting to apply for jobs and I'm thinking that after I submit applications, I should be around to answer the phone in case someone calls about them. Is this a silly thing to think? I mean, I've never actually applied for a real job so I don't know the time table for this sort of thing. Is it reasonable to expect a phone call within a few days? I think it is, but I really don't know. I'm totally cool with my parents going camping and leaving me home to sit by the phone, but they don't seem to like that idea so much. They want me to wait until summer is over before I apply for jobs. But I don't want to wait.