I thought it was a bird

2005-11-23 - 9:53 p.m.

My parents flew up here to visit me last Friday evening. They're teachers so they have the week off for Thanksgiving break. The weather in Seattle has not been ideal for visitors--it seems it rarely is when someone comes to visit me--but then it's Seattle, so "bright gray" is pretty much standard fare for this time of year.

We spent Saturday here in the city. I took them out to breakfast at the market, walked down to get tickets for Monday to see Harry Potter at the Cinerama, spent most of the day at the Boeing Museum of Flight, and finished it off with dinner at a seafood restaurant in Ballard called Chinook's.

On Sunday I took them up to Vancouver, BC. My parents got passports for the first time recently and they were all excited to be able to use them to cross the border. It was very foggy so we couldn't see much in the city. I took them to Stanley Park to show them the Lions Gate Bridge and we couldn't even see the bridge. We were going to do the Capilano Swinging Bridge and Grouse Mountain, but decided it was pointless with visibility being so limited. Instead we drove over to Point Roberts. Point Roberts is a little town on the tip of a peninsula. The whole peninsula is Canada except this 5-square-mile area that happens to lie just south of the 49th parallel and is therefore part of the US. The people who live there have to leave the country to go to the grocery store and drive 75 miles to get to the nearest American public school. It's kind of a geopolitical fluke, so we went to visit.

On Monday I took my parents over to Ballard for breakfast and a look at the locks. Then we went to the Cinerama to see the new Harry Potter movie. Lolo came there to meet my parents for the first time. Unfortunately, I didn't plan that very well. Lolo didn't show up until a little later than I would've liked so we only had a few minutes between the time when he arrived and the start of the movie. And then it was a long movie so he didn't have time to grab lunch with us or anything before he had to be at work. He gave us a ride back to my place and that was that. My parents' assessment of him was something along the lines of "Well, he can behave himself in a theater." We did a little shopping then and I took them for a walk at Green Lake before spending the rest of the evening relaxing at my place.

Tuesday I had to work. My parents got up early and had breakfast with me and then walked me to work. I had another CCU training day with Minnie. When I got home from work my mom had pretty much cooked a Thanksgiving dinner for us. Everything was made, anyway, and just needed to be popped in the oven. Lolo came over during his lunch break to join us for dinner and brought some banana bread he had baked. He was a bit nervous, but everything went pretty smoothly. Since it was his lunch break he could only stick around for 30 minutes or so, so there was still fairly limited interaction between him and my parents, but it was better than the previous day. They both seem to like him (I couldn't imagine that they wouldn't). My mom said she thought he was too serious, but I assured her that's not true. My dad said that he thought he was way too nice.

I had another CCU training shift with Minnie today, so we did breakfast again. After I got home from work I realized that I still had the CCU pager clipped to my belt. Since I'm not working until the evening tomorrow I had to take it back to work--it gave me a chance to see Lolo today, even if it was just a glimpse. Then it was pretty much time to take my parents to the airport. I stopped by Target on the way home, and now here I am.

I'm thinking yesterday's topic of love needs a follow-up, but I'm having so much trouble expressing how I feel about this. When I try to think about it I end up just smiling dazedly off into space. I said yesterday that this just hit me a few days ago, but really it isn't quite like that. I mean, it's not like prior to a few days ago Lolo was just some guy I happened to be dating. He's never been on the same level as any of the other guys I've been out with since moving to Seattle. I've liked him quite a bit since the very beginning and he just seems to get better. But a few days ago my feelings shifted somehow. I can't even really explain it.

My insecurities about our relationship are melting away. Right now the thought of him leaving me seems impossible. My only fear in that regard is that I might pressure him too much and scare him away. Is that possible? I mean, he just went through meeting the parents, if I were to tell him I love him, would that be too much? I'm not sure why, but I had decided that I wasn't going to tell him I loved him until after he had told me. Now that seems so silly. Why did I decide that? And I'm a bit afraid it's just going to slip out without me even thinking about it.

One of the medical residents I'm working with on the CCU team right now is a fairly good-looking, young, single guy. He actually looks quite a bit like Somn and he's also very nice--I could imagine myself with this guy. Until I thought about Lolo. The contrast was amazing. Suddenly this guy paled away into nothingness. The idea of me with him (or anybody else) seemed completely ludicrous. The thought of doing something intentionally that would hurt Lolo knocks the breath out of me.