4 Weeks, 3 Days

2012-03-08 - 1:43 p.m.

After five years away, I'm back. And here's why:

Yesterday I found out I am pregnant.

I want to keep a pregnancy journal. I didn't do it last time, but I wish I did.

This is actually my third pregnancy. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. After over a year of trying to get pregnant again, my second pregnancy ended in a healthy and happy boy, Roo. Roo is sixteen months old now. Since it took so long to get pregnant last time, we decided to start trying to get pregnant earlier this time. And it turned out this time was pretty easy.

When I got pregnant the first time, I was overjoyed. My miscarriage was a "missed miscarriage," which means that the baby died but stayed inside me so I didn't know anything was wrong until the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. Just to be sure, she checked again a week later and still no heartbeat. I had to have a D&C to remove the baby. That was perhaps the most emotionally trying period of my life. When I finally got pregnant the second time, I was afraid to get excited because I was worried the same thing would happen. I wasn't able to truly get excited I could actually feel the baby moving. He moved all the time so I had constant reassurance that everything was ok. This time, so far, I'm feeling somewhere in between. I'm happy but still afraid to get too excited.

But assuming all goes well, this baby should be due on November 12th. That's only three days later than Roo's due date. Roo was born a week early but still, I should be following pretty much the same schedule I was following two years ago.

I was only a few days late for my period yesterday, but on the day I expected my period I had cramps like I was having a period, but no blood. That's exactly what happened last time I got pregnant. I was going to wait until the weekend to use a pregnancy test, but on a whim yesterday morning I got up tested. Sure enough, it was positive.

I told my husband first, after he got out of the shower. It didn't seem overly excited, but when he came back home from work in the evening he seemed happy and excited. He took us out to dinner to celebrate. Next I told my brother and sister-in-law through email. They, of course, sent back excited replies. They are expecting their second baby next month. After dinner I called my mom and told her. She was happy, too, of course. So far those are the only four people I've told. And you. And Roo, although I'm not sure he counts at this point.

So far I feel totally fine. If I hadn't missed my period, I wouldn't suspect I am pregnant. Which makes me nervous. I want reassurance that everything is ok, even if that means morning sickness. My first ultrasound is scheduled for April 9th. I can't wait until then!