What's the story?

2002-10-09 - 10:05 a.m.

Ok, so I'm thinking that a glimpse into my psyche late at night (ok, "late" may be stretching it) is not the optimal time to see what I am really like. Well, I guess it's optimal to see what I'm really like late at night, but during the daytime, when my brain is still functioning at least at a little bit higher level, I'm a somewhat different person. Somewhat. I'm still annoyed at my whole situation. But in two and a half weeks I will be done. I will never have to see Princess again, and if I do, all that will be required of me is a smile, a "how ya doing," and a "buh-bye." I can do that. Two and a half weeks. Yes, I can.

So last night I was in a bad mood. So I refused to lie. I refused to be perky. I'm still not feeling perky, but then "perky" rarely describes me anyway. Stretch finally got himself an ISP so he was online last night for a bit. I think I managed to piss him off. Or that could've been my misinterpretation of him through AIM. At any rate, he managed to annoy me further. Get a grip, guy. And Somnambulist? I think he is not too mad at me. I hope he's not.

This morning, after breakfast, I took my blood pressure again. It was 94/59 with a pulse of 49. If I was admitted to a hospital they'd probably start pressors. Maybe the machine is broken, what do you think? I should check it manually, if only I had a decent sphygmo around. I could use one of the ones in the clinic...but my patients aren't known for their cleanliness...geez Euc, when'd you get so snooty? Well...I have a very limited sense of smell so when I find my patients' smell to be offensive, I know it has to be bad.

First thing this morning was the county clinic pharmacy staff meeting. What a waste of my time. Nothing discussed there affects me in the least. I really don't care where they throw their recyclables! Michelle and Kathy both did patient presentations and they were actually both very good. They are definitely higher caliber students than the ones that were there previously. I was impressed.

After the meeting I took off. I usually head over to capital Wednesday morning and spend the morning catching up on refills or what not. But you know what? On my schedule it says "project time." So screw that. I'm taking project time. So my project is working on my journal.

I also filled up my car with gas. I drove down to 65th street and put 10.3 gallons in my car. The dummy light came on yesterday on my way home. Stupid thing. The girl at the gas station was none too bright either. I went in to get my change expecting $5.75 and she handed me a buck ten. I said, "Actually, I put a twenty in the machine out there." She looked confused and completely lost. "I only spent $14.25," I added helpfully. Still lost. "You gave me $1.10." Only blankness. "I should have $5.75." Eventually she just gave me the money. I don't think she ever had a clue. Oh well. Plus I got a shiny Louisiana quarter. Are those new? I haven't seen them before.

Anything else you'd like to talk about this morning? How about the "Seven Habits?" I think there are two sort of interesting things I've come across so far. The first is the three stages of maturity he talked about. The first stage is dependence. The second is independence. The third is interdependence. I think I'm firmly rooted in the independence phase (yes, even though I live with my parents). According to Covey, I need to start collaborating more with other people. I need to realize that I need other people and they need me too. Two minds work better than one. And so on. And...(oops, I just got paged...)

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Wanna hear some more about what Mr. Covey has to say about the Seven Habits? OK. He says that there are three types of things that can affect you in this world. There are things which you can affect directly. There are things which you can affect indirectly. And there are those things which you have no control over whatsoever. This last group of things are the things about which you should have a good attitude, or as I put it, "pretend to be happy." The things you can affect directly and the things you can affect indirectly should both be affected by changing something about you--the way you act or whatnot--instead of being affected by getting someone else to change. What do you think of that?

The other thing, which I read about during my lunch break today was sort of an activity. The Mole made us promise that we would partake in all the activities as we read this book. So the first activity was to pretend that we are at the funeral of a loved one. You walk into the funeral and walk up to the open casket and look inside. It turns out to be you in three years. Then four people get up to do little eulogies. It's a family member, a friend, a co-worker, and someone from church. Write down what you would like them to say about you. So I pulled out a piece of scratch paper and jotted down a few things. I definitely didn't put a whole lot of thought into it, it was just what came immediately to mind. After writing it down, I continued reading. He made the analogy that lots of us are so busy climbing the ladder that we don't ever check to make sure that the ladder is leaning against the right wall. So this stuff that we want people to say about us in our eulogies, that is the right wall. Is your ladder leaning against the right wall? Here's what I wrote:

She was kind, sensitive, caring, and selfless. She had a quirky sense of humor and a quick wit. She was concerned with what mattered and let the rest not affect her. She was independent and confident but reliable and trustworthy. She was there when we needed her. She was knowledgable and helpful. She loved peacefulness but could also compete with the best of them. She was easy to talk to and easy to be with.

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Heh, yo, it's me again. Just can't seem to get enough today, can I? Ah well, remember how I said I think I pissed Stretch off last night? Turns out I was right. I got an e-mail from him. It's been sitting there in my inbox and I've been avoiding reading it. I finally read it though. I haven't signed in to AIM yet tonight either just so I won't have to talk to him. Ergh. Eucalia, you need to be proactive not reactive, right? Anyway, I read it. I am tempted to post it here, but that would be a severe violation of his privacy and I won't do that. So I'll just hit some major points here. He says he feels like an afterthought, that I ignored his heartfelt statements of "I love you Eucalia," that he sacrifices time to try to help me but in return doesn't even get a simple "thank you for trying Stretch," he feels like he is dealing with his ex-girlfriend, and, in short, he now feels like he has a legitimate complaint about our relationship. My response...he is not an afterthought by any stretch, in fact he is a constant worry. Yes, I ignored his "heartfelt" statements of love, but that was because I was in no mood to say "I love you too" since that's a lie and I didn't see "that's nice" or "I wish you didn't" as viable options. And no, I haven't thanked him, and I should. And about his ex-girlfriend, how many times have I told you that I hate hearing about her! Get over it! And now that you have a legitimate complaint, wanna dump me? Please?