I just wanna be sad for a while

2002-11-29 - 8:22 p.m.

There's a song on the radio sung by Terri Clark that was released within the last few months called "I Just Wanna Be Mad For a While." I really like this song. I think it describes me pretty well. The chorus goes like this:

I'll never leave, I'll never stray.
My love for you will never change.
But I ain't ready to make up.
We'll get around to that.
I think I'm right, I think you're wrong.
I'll prob'ly give in before long.
Please don't make me smile.
I just wanna be mad for a while.

Ok, so it doesn't literally describe me, but it sounds like something I might do. The song is sung by a woman who got in a fight with her husband. She tells him she's done some thinking and the chorus is the conclusion she came to. Sometimes I just get in a bad mood and I don't even want to feel better. Mad, sad, whatever. Sometimes I don't want to be cheered up. That's something that in my experience people rarely understand, but the writer of this song understands, so there must be other people out there who understand. It's kinda nice to know there are other people in this world who get that.

So why am I sad? Is it so hard to figure out? It was Thanksgiving yesterday. Which was actually great. I love hanging out with my family. Even if that makes me a dork. I picked my brother up from the airport Wednesday evening. Traffic was horrible getting there, but the airport itself was amazingly unbusy. His plane was early; I basically ran into him about five feet inside the doorway of the airport. For those of you who have never been there, Sacramento has a pretty small airport. Wednesday night the four of us ate dinner and hung out talking. Thursday morning we got up and had breakfast. There's this tree in the backyard that's been there since we moved in. It's getting big enough now that the roots are starting to buckle the little sidewalk around the house and knock down the fence. So we felled it. My brother and I worked the ropes while my dad did the chainsaw. We did a pretty good job, except we landed it right on top of the pistachio tree. If it wasn't so sad it would've been funny. Every single branch on the pistachio tree was snapped off. It is now a toothpick. Poor tree. After the tree we put up Christmas lights. Heh, the first ones on the block! Of course we went for a walk a little later and saw two other houses with their lights up, but that's ok. Grampa came after the lights were up. Grampa's a little loopy, but he's cool. We did a lot more hanging out around the fire and had a very yummy Thanksgiving dinner. More hanging out and then it was bedtime. Which bit like crazy. Since Grampa was there we were out of beds and since I was the one would have to get up at 5 and go trampsing through the living room the next day it made the most sense for me to sleep on the couch. Which basically meant that everyone else had to go to bed when I did. It just really sucked standing there in the hallway saying goodbye to my brother when I didn't have to leave him for another seven or eight hours. Those of you who have siblings that live closer than 2000 miles away don't know how lucky you are. Then this morning I had to get up and go to work and then spend all morning at work knowing that he was in town and I could be spending time with him. Yeah, I know, I'm a big fat dork, but really, I just wanna be sad for a while. Let me be.