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Every night when she goes out
2007-02-20 - 12:20 p.m.
I didn't run yesterday. By the time I got home from work I was hungry,
it was raining and windy, and Lolo wasn't home. I guess I could've just
left Lolo a note saying where I was going, but I didn't know his plans
for the night and I didn't want to mess them up by not being available.
Plus, the other two reasons were probably reason enough to prevent me.
Will I go today? Lolo will be working, it's not raining, and I'm going
to eat lunch an hour later, so maybe I will. But I really don't feel
like it. I need to get over that.Last night Lolo made dinner.
He hasn't done it for a while and he was feeling guilty about it. He
ended up making eggplant swordfish penne. It seems like whenever I make
dinner it's just your average run of the mill enchiladas or lasagna or
what not that's not too tough. But when he makes dinner it's always
fancy. Swordfish! It was good, but I wouldn't mind if he made run of
the mill meals too.After dinner we were watching TV on the couch
(a cool show on the History Channel about the technology of Star Trek
and how close we are to being able to duplicate it in reality) when I
noticed he had fallen asleep. I let him sleep until the show was over
and then tried to wake him up, but he didn't move. So I cleaned up from
dinner and then asked him if he was ok and if he just wanted to go to
bed intead of staying on the couch. He said yes and stumbled to the
bathroom to get ready for bed. It was very unusual because he's
usuallya night person ready to stay up way later than me. We got into
bed where he acted sleepy for a little while as I tried to be sleepy
too. A little later he was wide awake. He asked me if I wanted to get
back up and do whatever I would've been doing, but by that time it was
my bedtime so we just stayed. I said, "You confuse me," not meaning a
whole lot by it other than the fact that he was acting unusually, but
for some reason he just wouldn't let it drop and it somehow turned into
more. I ended up telling him that I never know what he wants and I'm
always guessing wrong. So he started listing things he wants. They
started out as every day sorts of things and progressed towards the
fantastical. But I was nowhere on the list. And I realized that was
the problem--I just want him to want me. I know he does, but I
want to feel it. I want him to initiate sometimes. I feel like
whenever things are physical between us, it's me that starts it. I want
to be surprised by him wanting me sometimes. I want to be swept away
every now and then. And me not knowing what he wants is basically just
me not knowing how to make him happy and how to make him want me. And
the next thing I knew I was laying there in bed beside him crying
(although I don't think he noticed, I'm a master at crying silently).
All because he was sleepy. I'm so weird.I forgot to mention, on
Sunday Lolo and I went to a play. We went to the Book-It Repertory
Theater in the Seattle House and saw their adaptation of A Tale of
Two Cities. I haven't read the book (or anything else by Dickens)
and honestly expected to be a little bored. But this was amazing! They
did a wonderful job on the adaptation. Lolo said they basically went
chapter by chapter through the book. Sometimes the characters would
actually narrate a bit of what they were doing--it might not sound like
a good thing, but it really worked. The sets and costumes were cool.
The props were amazing. They did blood and gore with yarn in a way that
was realistic enough to almost be disgusting. The soundtrack added to
the emotion of the story. And there were some really great actors. My
first words to Lolo after the play were, "That was impressive," and it
was. I think I'd like to go back to that theater. All they do is book
adaptations. Their next one is going to be Isabel Allende's The
House of the Spirits. I haven't read that yet, though. Our self-imposed six-month book-buying hiatus will be over on April 1st.
Maybe I'll buy the book then.
One Good Thing: We weaned our patient off the nitroprusside drip
Song of the Day: Beer in Mexico - Kenny Chesney
One Year Ago Today: When I hear your voice calling my name
8 weeks, 3 days
2012-04-05
8 weeks, 1 day
2012-04-03
6 weeks, 4 days
2012-03-23
6 weeks, 2 days
2012-03-21
5 weeks, 6 days
2012-03-18