The case of the missing goldfish

2003-02-02 - 10:37 a.m.

When I'm commuting to and from work, I usually listen to a book on tape from the library. It keeps me calmer and makes me a safer driver. That, I expect, is the reason for last night's dream being the way it was. A brand new format for me. The dream was narrated. Like a book on tape. I had to use my imagination to picture my dream. Is that strange or what?

The dream took place in Uzbekistan. Honestly, I couldn't point to Uzbekistan on a map, but that's where it was. I was in a town that looked like a town from the old west. The buildings were small wooden buildings lining a single street with wooden sidewalks. The street itself was mud. The country of Uzbekistan was at war in my dream. They were anti-American. I was there with my parents, my brother, and a friend of my brother. We were looking at something that my brother's friend had invented. It was a giant cube. I didn't know what it was for. Then we heard an alarm go off. They were coming. I didn't know who they were, but they were bad. The town was sort of in a depression so we couldn't see off into the distance. I climbed up the hill to see out and yes, there were big tanks headed our way. I could see for miles and miles and all there was was desolate highland desert with sparse vegetation. There was no way we could hide. So instead we got into the cube. It was a bit cramped, but we remained perfectly still so they wouldn't notice us. But they arrived and saw that there was something fishy about this cube. I could see two men. One was a military leader and the other was some sort of more local sheriff. My mom didn't want them to find us all so she jumped out of the cube. The military guy just stood there imperiously while the sheriff did all the talking. He asked my mom, "Who are you?" She said, "My name is Barbara Everett and I'm an American!" I had no idea why she volunteered so much information and I was sure she was going to be killed. They took her away down the street. I got out of the cube and followed at a safe distance. At the other end of the town was a beautiful lake surrounded by beautiful snow-capped rocky mountains. That's when I noticed that all the Uzbekistanis had spider legs. From the waist up they looked like normal people, but from the waist down they looked like the boss guy, Henry J. Waternoose, from Monsters Inc. It was strange, but hey, it was Uzbekistan. One of them started talking to me about exercising. He was wondering if I would like to go running up to another lake he knew about with him. I didn't know which side of the conflict he was on so I didn't really want to tell him about my mom's capture and that I was looking for her so didn't want to go with him, so I tried to politely decline. Then I looked into the lake and saw a bunch of Uzbekistanis under the water. Apparently that's where they came from. They developed underwater and then emerged as fully grown spider-legged Uzbekistanis.

In other news, has anyone seen my mom's goldfish? My mom had three goldfish. They're in a small aquarium on the counter, there. It has a lid on it and a pump with a filter to keep the water aerated. Yesterday morning I noticed that there were only two fish in the aquarium. There wasn't one floating at the top or anything like that. I figured one had died and my mom had removed it without me noticing. I went to work. When I got home, my mom asked if I had removed one of the fish. No one knows what happened to the fish. We think maybe aliens beamed it up to do evil goldfish experiments or something. It couldn't have jumped out because there is a lid. Do you think the other two ate it? Is that possible? There isn't a single scrap left. Other than aliens, that seems to be the only explanation though. But why would a goldfish eat another goldfish? It's not like we don't feed them. It's a mystery.

I just got another book in the mail from someone from Swappingtons. On Sunday, you ask? You get mail on Sunday? Well, yes, yes I do, when I don't check my mail on Saturday. I got "Whirlwind" by James Clavell. See, now aren't guys all jealous? Don't you want to go sign up and list me as your referrer?

So Friday I got an e-mail from Tampon regarding scheduling status post Thumbtack's resignation. Here is a quote from it: "In an effort to cover Thumbtack's weekend duties AND not incur overtime...could the 3 remaining residents (Fluffy, Eucalia, and Slick) agree to cover all the weekends collectively? The 3 of them could work it any way they want it and it would still be the same amount of weekend shifts as currently scheduled." Actually, the e-mail was from Tampon to the Mole and the Mole sent it to me with a note attached that said, "Would you look at this and get back to me?" My initial reaction was "no fucking way." Not incur overtime? Yeah, let's take advantage of the most overworked and underpayed members of our staff. We were originally told that we could pick up Thumbtack's shifts if we would like, being payed $600 a day to do it. At that point, being underpayed and in debt, we were practically fighting to pick up the extra shifts. But now they want to force us to work extra without paying us? Funny, given time to ponder this, my initial reaction hasn't changed.