How do you give up hope?

2003-08-03 - 12:16 a.m.

Is it possible to feel so alone? So isolated? When will someone break into my soul and release me from my prison? Do only I hold that key?

How can everyone be looking for someone and so many people still be alone?

During the nine months since I broke up with him I was asked out by three different people. One per three months. Ultimately I reject everyone who shows an interest in me. Too immature. Too myopic. Too material. Too egocentric. Too old. Too obtrusive. Why is it that I only seem to attract guys who I am unattracted to?

Except one. And what was wrong with him? Too nice? Too many high expectations? Too much pressure?

It took him one month to find a replacement. It took me two months to change my mind. It took me five months to tell him I'd changed my mind. It's been nine months since I broke up with him. When will I get over it? When will I be a functional human being again?

How long until I stop sitting by myself crying?

Who do you blame when you can blame no one but yourself?

"But I just want you to know that I still think you are a wonderful woman and if it weren't for the fact that I was currently dating another great girl, I would have jumped all over the chance to try to win you back. If, God forbid, something happens between me and my girlfriend, you will be the first girl I look up when I am ready to date again."

How do you give up hope?