Cows and your better judgement

2003-09-22 - 9:25 p.m.

Today was one of those days. It wasn't so much that everything went wrong, it was more that nothing went right. First thing this morning I decided to finish mowing the lawn which I didn't get to last week because I ran out of gas. I can hear you groaning, thinking, "Oh great, here comes another debacle with the lawnmower." And you know what? You're right. Only this time, at least, it was short and sweet. I pulled the lawnmower out of the shed, pushed it over to where I planned to start mowing, and yanked the starter cord. The starter cord promptly snapped and I fell on my butt. The funny thing was, though, that it started on the first try. If I hadn't fallen and let go of the safety bar I probably would've been able to finish the yard.

So I put the lawnmower back in the shed and decided I would run some errands. I had some bills to mail, a few checks to deposit, and some shopping to do. Then I realized I had left my wallet in my mom's purse and she had taken it to work. I had no driver's license, no bank card, and no money. Scratch those plans.

Then the doorbell rang. It was the Fed-Ex man! My computer!! I ran to the door and signed his little clipboard for the package. He handed me a thin Fed-Ex envelope, said, "Have a nice day, ma'am," and hopped back in his truck. Obviously, it wasn't my computer. What a disappointment.

All I ended up accomplishing today was doing the laundry. I spent the rest of my day reading Prey, playing the piano, and messing around on the internet.

Last night I had an encounter with a big black spider. If there's one thing in this world that freaks me out, it's spiders. I was sitting here at my mom's computer, which is in my room because my room doubled as her office for the five years I was gone to school, when out of the corner of my eye I saw a big black spider sliding down an invisible strand of web from the ceiling. Normally I'm a live and let live kind of girl, but this particular spider had the audacity to head straight for my pillow. I couldn't let it touch my pillow. How could I ever sleep again if that happened? So I jumped out of my chair, grabbed a big handful of Kleenex in each hand, and smashed the spider between them. Immediately my arachnophobia kicked in. I jumped back several feet, threw both handfuls of Kleenex on the ground, screamed silently (it was late, my parents were sleeping), and danced around waving my hands in the air above my head like the big idiot I am. I finally calmed myself, grabbed a pencil from the desk, and at arm's length I began poking in the piles of Kleenex just to make sure the big black spider had indeed been dealt with. To my horror, the Kleenexes were completely clean. No sign of a spider corpse. What's worse, seeing a big black spider in your bedroom or not seeing a big black spider in your bedroom but knowing it's there lurking somewhere? I'll give you a hint, it's the second one. I was freaked out. Where was that monster? I nervously went back to the computer. Several minutes later I couldn't believe what I saw. It was the same big black spider sliding down from the ceiling on the same strand of web heading straight for my pillow, again! This time I steeled myself for a serious battle. No nervey spider was going to escape me twice! I may be an idiot, but that doesn't mean I have to act like one all the time! I grabbed big handfuls of Kleenex--bigger this time than last time--and smashed the spider between them. This time I resisted the need to throw my captive away from me and instead held it in my hand and squeezed. I fought down a wave of nausea and gave my handful another good squeeze. I loosened my grip and allowed the Kleenexes to fall open just enough to see several non-moving black legs inside. I deposited the whole wad in the toilet and grimly watched as it went round and round before disappearing. That's right. Nobody messes with Euc's pillow and gets away with it. Nobody.