A little respect

2003-11-16 - 6:35 p.m.

Recently I've been having respect issues with my dad. It's been going on for a really long time, but it seems like recently it's been getting worse. I don't know what the deal is. Is it just me imagining that's it's getting worse? It makes me especially angry because I don't see how I can confront my dad about it. My biggest problem is the lack of respect my dad shows for my mom. For me too, but it pisses me off more when he's disrespectful to my mom. Part of the reason I feel like I can't confront him about any of it is because I feel like I don't have the right to, considering the fact that I'm still living at home here. I feel like I'm already taking advantage of my parents and their hospitality, I don't have the right to act like a teenager anymore. But, ok, here's the deal: for starters, my dad never helps with any chores around the house. He never shops, makes dinner, or helps clean up after dinner. His idea of helping to clear the table is pushing his plate away from him when he's done. He never helps make lunches for us to take to work the next day. He never cleans around the house, especially not the bathroom which he so often makes a complete mess. He never washes a car, takes out the trash, or...anything. If it's going to happen around here my mom or I are going to do it. And on top of that, he never says thank you. Never. Or please. It's as though it's just expected that my mom should do all these things for him so why should he say thank you? Sometimes I get fed up and decide I'm not going to do something for him, but then it just ends up that my mom has to do it. Anytime there's any sort of action around the house that smacks of work, he disappears to his office to work (which sounds an awful lot like MSN messenger to me) or plunks himself down in front of the TV and tunes the rest of the world out. The other part, though, I find even more disconcerting. When he coughs or sneezes, he never covers his mouth. When he belches, he never tries to be subtle about it, it's always wall-shaking. The same with farting, which he does quite often and stinkily. When we complain of being unable to sit in the same room due to the stinkiness, he just laughs like it's funny and says, "What?" like he has no idea what the problem is or he pretends to cry and says "Why does everybody pick on me?" And now he's developed a habit of picking his nose while he watches TV and flicking what he finds in the general direction of the trash can. It's absolutely disgusting and I'm too embarrassed about that one to even acknowledge that he's doing it. I find all of this to be so incredibly disrespectful I can hardly stand it. I mean, we're family so it's not like I think we need to be formal and stiff around each other by any means, but there should be at least a modicum of decency, shouldn't there? And I have to wonder, does he realize what he's doing? Does he have any clue how disgusting he's being? It scares me that he might not. I mean, his mom did die of Alzheimer's. Is this the beginning of dementia setting in? It's all so frustrating.