I'd show you my face but I can't find it

2004-12-20 - 5:40 p.m.

I'm such an idiot. I'm a dork. I'm a fruitcake. I'm a basketcase! I'm such a fool!

I have such issues. But how do I tell someone that? Hello, nice to meet you, I have emotional baggage that turns me into a complete freak at the least provocation, so please be very careful.

And why? Why does this stuff get to me? I react completely disproportionately to the matter at hand. Why do I fall so utterly apart like this? Will this always happen? Will I ever get over it?

Is it really a result of the obvious or would I have been a fruitloop anyway? Or maybe I had a predisposition that made me susceptible to this looniness and I was just tipped over the edge.

Or maybe everybody's this way and I just haven't noticed. Yeah, right.

Why do guys have to be such pigs? Why can't they just be pleasant people? Why is there always something else below the surface? And why do they choose to share this? Is it my fault? Do I bring it on myself? Do I ask for it? Do most girls enjoy that sort of thing? Am I really a freak?

And why can't I just get over it? I'm so good at putting most things aside and moving on. Why does this loom over everything else in my mind? What is wrong with me?

Why????