Before you say you love me, know for sure

2005-08-13 - 11:41 a.m.

It's not even noon yet, but I've already given my credit card a workout. I got an ad in my mailbox yesterday advertising a Sharper Image stereo on sale at Linens 'N Things. My old stereo, which I got for my 14th birthday, is starting to give out on me, so I went down and bought this one. It also had a 20%-off-any-single-item coupon, so while I was there I finally bought myself a Sonicare toothbrush. My dentist and periodontist both recommended that I get one of those, but I had a lot of trouble spending $100+ on a toothbrush. So I finally got it.

I also stopped by and got my oil changed. And apparently my coolant needed to be flushed (they told me it was brown and chunky) so I had that done too. And then I stopped by Starbucks to reload the Starbucks giftcard O'Malley gave me because they're having some sort of promotion where if you put $30 on a giftcard you get a half pound of coffee free. I don't generally drink plain coffee, but I think it's a good idea to have it around the house in case a coffee drinker happens to visit. Now I suppose I need a coffee maker, eh?

So yeah, my poor credit card! But just so you know, I never bought those shoes from REI and now I'm not going to.

I've been thinking recently that guys are more trouble than they're worth. Why does dating have to be such an effort? All I want is someone I'd rather be with than be alone, that doesn't seem like so much to ask, does it? Well, I rather like being by myself, actually. OK, I'm about to be a big dork and compare myself to a Star Trek episode, but do any of you know that TNG episode about the Metamorph? The Metamorph was a girl who changed to be the perfect girl for whatever guy she was with at the moment, until eventually she would imprint on one guy and be his perfect girl forever. The Enterprise was transporting her to her future husband and she was supposed to be in stasis until she was introduced to the guy she was arranged to marry, but some naughty Ferengi took her out of stasis and Captain Picard ended up spending a lot of time with her and of course she imprinted on him. He was appalled that he had ruined her for her future husband, but she was happy because she liked the person she was when she was with him. But anyway, sometimes I feel like that. I feel like I change depending on the person I'm around. Is everyone like that? I don't become the "perfect girl" by a long shot, but I can be cynical or silly or completely serious, all depending on who I'm with. I can be interested in goldfish or baseball or electronic percussion--all things which wouldn't normally interest me. But when I'm by myself I'm able to be myself and be interested in the things that interest me, which makes me rather enjoy being by myself. I want to find someone who makes me like the person I am when I'm with them.

And at the same time, I'm such a snob. I want a guy who is smart, has a respectable job, isn't too much of a dork, is relatively good-looking, and is in decent shape. Too much to ask again? Why would any guy like this still be on the market?

And I'm vain. Oh my how I'm vain. It's amazing that I can be so ugly and so vain at the same time. I went hiking last Wednesday and managed to get myself pretty sunburned on my face. Not only that, but I was wearing sunglasses so I have this amazingly obvious sunglasses tanline. I was so embarrassed by this that I very nearly called in sick on Thursday just so I wouldn't have to show my face at work. I ended up going to work but wearing glasses instead of contacts just to cover up the tan lines a bit. I'm not doing that anymore, but still, I did. And yes, nearly everyone made some comment about my redness. Most of them were along the lines of, "Woah, you got some sun, didn't you?" but then there was Buzz who took one look at me and cried out (loud enough for everyone in the pharmacy to hear) "You look like a tomato!"

So, boys. Do you care? One is too hairy (pony tail and beard). One is too dorky (walks around splay-footed). One doesn't have a good enough job (new job as a shipper/receiver). And one is too touchy-feely (dude, hands off). Why am I doing this? I don't know. And I was asked where I'm meeting these guys. Well, really, nowhere special, just my usual haunts. I think possibly I've been more receptive to them than before. I feel drained from the whole experience, though. And do you want to hear something incredibly stupid? I think I'm developing a crush on Lolo. Oh man.