The deep end is so close

2005-08-15 - 9:58 p.m.

Self-loathing. That's where I've been today. All day.

This morning I slept through my alarm. It was set for 6. I woke up at 8:07. I had a dentist appointment at 8. I thought maybe I could make it early enough to not have to cancel my appointment, but I didn't. I was able to reschedule for tomorrow--my day off--but the only time they had available was 10am, which means I had to cancel all my morning plans. No hiking this week.

Still, I don't think that caused my foul mood.

Did I mention that I'm kind of crushing on Lolo? I know it's stupid, but there it is. I worked with him yesterday from 3:30 to midnight, the two of us being the only pharmacists in the pharmacy. I was able to be relatively talkative with him. I think that went about as well as could be expected. I don't really know what I'm saying.

But I made cookies to bring to work yesterday. They were supposed to be healthy cookies, made out of bananas, dates, and oats and not much else. Turns out only one person liked them. I was so sad. Usually I leave all the extras at the end of my shift for the night shift and then for the next day shift if there are still more, but last night I was so sad I just took them all with me. And then I ate them. I think this is the root of the self-loathing. I ate like two dozen cookies. I'm such a horrible person.

So today started off badly, but then I walked down to the library to pick up the Keith Urban CD I had requested, over to the post office to check my mail (I received none), and then up to Half Price Books to spend some money and hopefully ease my mood. I spent $20 and got 7 books and 2 CDs, but that really didn't help the mood much.

Work today sucked. Almost entirely because of my bad mood. Although there was one particular situation involving a faulty order set, a crabby nurse, and a phisohex shower that just about pushed me over the edge. I'll probably get to hear more about that later, but for the most part it wasn't my fault. Then there were inexperienced IV room techs making chemo, very rude CCU docs, holes in CPOE, and malfunctioning computers that made the whole evening unpleasant. Ack. Thank goodness I have tomorrow off.

During my dinner break today I made more cookies. This time I just made plain old chocolate chip. I figured you can't go wrong with chocolate chip. I was right; everyone liked them. That made me feel a tad better.

So tomorrow my plans include going to the dentist (having my teeth cleaned despite the fact that I've already used up all my dental insurance for the year), going down to Tukwila to see one of my technicians/friends take the oath as a brand new US citizen, and then I'm going to go see an advanced screening of "Red Eye" with bachelor #3, the shipper/receiver. So I think tomorrow should be good. I will wake up tomorrow in a fantastic mood. Right.

Oh my god. I just checked my e-mail. Apparently Lolo picked up on a hint I dropped him yesterday that I thought had gone right by him. Actually, I thought he had purposefully let it go by.

Eucalia,
You said you had next weekend off, right? Let me know if you want to go hiking, I have those days off too.
Take care,
Lolo