Now we're in the bath

2005-09-08 - 11:59 a.m.

Yesterday was a bad day for me, emotionally speaking. I was feeling down all day. I kept wondering when Lolo is going to come to his senses and figure out that I'm not worth his time. We worked together yesterday for the first time since last weekend. We've pretty much agreed that our relationship will be a secret from everyone at work, at least for a while. I think I might've ignored him there just a bit too much, but I think I can get better at acting normal around him at work.

Without a doubt, though, the best part of my day yesterday was last evening when he came into work in the central pharmacy. When he first came in we exchanged "hey's" and then ignored each other, but after a little while he came over and sat at the computer on the opposite side of the counter from the computer where was I working so that he was facing me. There's a whole bunch of junk in between these two computers, but he found a small space in the clutter and smiled at me through it. His eyes are like beams of light, when he looks at me I feel like I'm in the spotlight. That second of being in his smile was enough to make the whole day worth while.

I keep having to remind myself not to get ahead of where we are. I have to remember that we've only been on one date. All we've done is hold hands a few times. I already want to be his everything. I want to share all of me with him and never tell him any lies. I'm so happy it's ridiculous. I miss him even though I saw him yesterday. I miss touching him--I can't wait until Sunday when just the two of us will go out again and not have to pretend anything.

Am I making you ill yet?

A while ago I heard the song by Mary Chapin Carpenter called "I Want to Be Your Girlfriend." I thought it was totally dorky at the time, but now it just seems so perfect.

I want to be your girlfriend, I want to be your new love
I want to be the one that you can't get enough of
I want to be your girlfriend, nobody else's but yours
I want to be the one who you'll do anything for

Never thought I'd ever wind up in a daze like this
Never thought I'd ever find myself wondering how you kiss
I see you nearly everyday, and everyday I lose my nerve
That I built up the night before, rehearsing every single word

I want to be your girlfriend, I want to be your new love
I want to be the one that you can't get enough of

You used to be just this guy I knew from that same old scene
For all the time that I've known you, just now I'm noticing
That everything there is to feel, feels worse than any teenage crush
And all the times that I've been near you, now I can't get near enough

Oh, I want to be your girlfriend, nobody else's but yours
I want to be the one who you'll do anything for

I just keep on hoping that you're gonna see
If I could notice you then you could notice me
Then I'd be more to you, oh, I just wanna be

I want to be your girlfriend, I want to be your new love
I want to be the one that you can't get enough of
I'm gonna be your girlfriend, nobody else's but yours
I want to be the one who you'll do anything for