When it wasn't sad to be alone

2005-09-10 - 7:10 a.m.

It's been almost a week since I've been out with Lolo. This is entirely too long. I saw him at work twice, too, but that only barely counts. I have such self-confidence issues. I know--I know--he's not really ignoring me any more than I'm ignoring him, which really is not at all. But I still keep thinking that he must surely have changed his mind by now. I have this picture of the two of us together at Lake Ann which I still like to look at, only instead of making me really happy like it used to do, it now makes me a little sad, like I'm looking at something from the past that has slipped through my fingers. I know that this isn't true, but I don't feel that way. And how do I balance showing him that I really like him with not going overboard and seeming clingy and neurotic? Yesterday as I was walking home from the ferry terminal I passed by the area where he usually parks (he was at work). I don't know exactly where his car would be, but I could probably find it if I looked hard enough and I was thinking of just stopping by and leaving a little hi note on his windshield for him to find after work. I would be thrilled if he had done such a thing for me (which would be impossible since I walk to work, but I just mean something similar), but I didn't because I didn't want to come off as stalker-ish. Ack. I don't know. So we're going out again tomorrow. I can't wait. And yet I'm so nervous!

Yesterday I went over to Miko's house on Bainbridge Island to help him "sling wood." He's always inviting me over to his place, but it seems to be only when I'm working or already have plans. But this time I was free so I said sure. I think he was surprised. It was fun to see where he lives and to meet his wife and dog and see some of the things he's always talking about. We went out in his pick up truck to one of his friends' houses a few miles away where we found a big pile of logs. We would pick them up and put them longways in the bed of the truck and then he would cut the log off a few feet beyond the end of the tailgate with his chainsaw and we would pick the rest up and repeat the process until the whole log was in the truck. Usually we had to cut them into about thirds to get them to fit. Man, though, this was heavy work! Somehow when he told me we would be moving firewood I expected it to be already chopped and in much more reasonably sized pieces. My biceps are totally sore today.

This morning I got up an hour earlier than I normally would for the shift I'm working today and baked some scones. I haven't tried them yet so I don't know for sure they're edible, but they look and smell all right. I'm going to take them into work to share. Hopefully they'll go over ok. They're cinnamon walnut scones. They were supposed to be cinnamon pecan, but I accidentally burned the pecans while I was trying to toast them. Luckily I still had some walnuts hanging about. I didn't try to toast the walnuts. I also had an incident with the milk so that I now need to mop my kitchen floor...

I need to go finish getting ready for work now. Hopefully it'll be a nice slow day so I can read a bit. I've been holding on to this copy of HP6 for way too long. It's a bookring book from BookCrossing and I really need to send it on its way soon!