Make believe the morning sun never will rise

2005-09-26 - 5:29 p.m.

It seems like a whole lot has happened since I last wrote here, but I just checked and my last entry was only five days ago!

So my last entry was on Wednesday, when Lolo brought Thai food over to my place and we had lunch together during our lunch breaks from work. I think on Thursday we didn't see each other. Friday, though, we definitely saw each other. Friday was wonderful.

I had planned on Friday to drive out to Nolte State Park and pick up race packets for Kitten, Lolo and I for the race on Sunday. I'd planned on doing it by myself, but on Wednesday while he was here Lolo asked me if I would mind if he came along. I thought he had to work, but it turned out the scheduler accidentally scheduled Lolo and Deep for the same shift Friday and Lolo ended up getting the day off. Besides just the opportunity to spend the day with Lolo, I was also very happy because this was entirely his idea--I was beginning to worry because I was inviting him to do everything and he was inviting me to do nothing, but it turns out that was a silly worry.

So I picked him up from his place late Friday morning and we drove out to the park, which is a little over an hour away. We picked up our packets and then drove a little ways to Enumclaw where we bought Subway sandwiches and took them to a city park for a picnic. I happen to carry a picnic blanket in my trunk at all times, so we spread that out on a shady spot in the grass. We talked and laughed a lot and after we finished eating he layed down on his stomach on the blanket. After a few minutes I layed down on my back perpendicular to him, using his back as a pillow. It's so easy to be comfortable with him. It's so easy to forget what a short time we've been together. Things progressed from there to cuddling and lots of long kisses. Eventually, though, some guys showed up with leafblowers and we decided to head on home.

We had spent a long time there, though, and by the time we got back to Seattle it was 4:00 and traffic was getting bad. Kitten was working and I wanted to drop her race packet off with her at work before she went home at 4:30. I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to take Lolo home and still make it back in time to get Kitten's stuff to her, so I asked Lolo if he would mind if we stopped by the hospital first. Since I live two blocks from work and there is no parking closer that would cost less than $10, I parked in my space at my apartment building. And since Lolo couldn't come with me for reasons of covertness, I let him stay in my apartment while I took Kitten's stuff to her. (I was actually pretty embarrassed to do this because I hadn't expected him to come over and so hadn't straightened things up. I cringe at the thought of those dirty dishes that were still in the sink when he went inside.) Kitten was pretty busy when I found her so I was able to give her her stuff with minimal conversation and get back home to Lolo. I swear when I was walking back there I had every intention of just taking him straight back to his place. It didn't happen though.

I don't really even know how it happened. I walked into the living room and there he was looking all kissable. So I kissed him. I don't remember moving to the couch, but we sure got there somehow. Nothing too serious happened, but we certainly took another big step--and I think this is about as far as I want to go for a little while more, physically anyway. I don't want to push me too far and then watch me freak out and ruin everything. Anyway, three and a half hours later I finally took him home.

It wasn't until I was on my way back from his place that I remembered I had agreed to do some volunteer work that night that I had completely forgotten about. I feel so bad about that.

Saturday I worked a morning shift while he worked an evening shift. I invited him last minute to come over to my place for dinner during his break. I baked a Papa Murphy's pizza and he came over. I didn't know if he would or not with so little notice, but he did. That made me happy.

Sunday was race day. I was supposed to drive Kitten and Lolo to the race, but right before I went to bed Saturday night Kitten called and told me she was going to ride with her boyfriend instead. As far as Lolo and I know, Kitten doesn't know about us yet. I was thinking that if two months ago Kitten had abandoned me to an hour-long car ride with just Lolo, a guy I barely know and have hardly talked to, I would've been seriously annoyed. But as it is, I didn't mind at all. When Lolo and I got there, there were lots of people around and we didn't know exactly when Kitten would be arriving so we had to pretend to be just friends. It was really tough. When she finally did show up it was a little easier, although I don't think either of us enjoyed the duplicitousness in front of a friend. I think we're going to tell her soon. Anyway, we ran the race (more on that later), and then afterwards there was a celebratory barbecue. As we were standing in line to get our food, Kitten turned to us told us she and her boyfriend were going to take off early since he wanted to make it to the Seahawks game. So they left, leaving Lolo and I alone to once again laugh at how awkward it would've been to have had to do the barbecue alone together two months ago. Lolo suggested that maybe Kitten is trying to set us up. Wouldn't that be funny?

So we ate on the shore of the lake there in the park and were able to hold onto each other and be more than just friends. We were going to stick around for the awards ceremony, but Lolo started feeling poorly so I drove him home instead. The amazing thing was that I wasn't feeling poorly. This is the first half-marathon I've done that hasn't been immediately followed by a lovely post-race purge of my GI tract. He slept almost the entire way home.

Today I worked tele. When I work tele I can't really go home for lunch, but I can take my lunch whenever it is convenient for me. So I took my lunch such that it would overlap with Lolo's and hung out in the break room. Of course there were about four other people in the break room with us so we steadfastly ignored each other, but that was still somehow better than not seeing each other at all. Tomorrow I won't see him at all. Our next plan to get together is after he gets off of work on Wednesday.

I think Lolo and I are pretty officially an item now. I think I'm mostly over my big insecurities with him. When we're apart now, instead of worrying that he's going to change his mind about me, I just miss him. It's almost silly how much I miss him. He just sent me an e-mail asking, "Can Wednesday come soon enough?"